4 WAYS TO BE CONTENT IN SINGLENESS

Are you content with being single? 

If not, then you have come to the right place. I have identified some ways through the help of the word of God and through personal experience, where we single ladies can become single and secure. Here are 4 ways on how you can embrace your singleness to the fullest.

Let’s dive in!

1. Understand that Singleness is a Gift from God

You may be familiar with the popular verse in regards to singleness, quoted by Paul in 1 Corinthians 7:7 – “But I wish everyone were single, just as I am. Yet each person has a special gift from God, of one kind or another”. Paul knew that singleness was a special gift from God and wanted all Christians to acknowledge this too. 

Paul was by no means saying that singleness is better than marriage. But he indeed recognised that whether you are single or married, both relationship statuses are special giftings from God, that should be perceived and embraced as what they are the good and perfect gifts from God (James 1:17). 

Don’t be in a rush to get into a relationship because culture, friends, family or the church are pressuring you to get married by a certain age. What you end up doing is missing out on the blessings that God had prepared for you to experience in this present season, but you were busy focusing on the voices of others, instead of the voice of God of what He is currently speaking into your life as a single woman. 

As human beings, we seem to think the grass is always greener on the other side. Single people want to be married. Married people want to be single. But why not make use of the grass you have and make it into a glorious field, sowing seeds of beautiful blooming flowers and crops that you can harvest and reap the rewards from? (Galatians 6:8-9). 

What I’m trying to say is singleness is a beautiful thing, but you won’t get to experience its beauty, if you do not find ways to enjoy the beauty of the thing. Because girl, you can get into a marriage and end up hating it, because you went into it with the mindset that ‘Once I’m married, everything will fall into place. Marriage will be sweet’. When in fact, marriage takes time and investment to make it beautiful and enjoyable. 

See it from this angle. You give a gift to a child, it is a toy car. This is their perfect gift, it is all that they have been talking about and wanted. The gift came with instructions on how to use the toy car, and it came with batteries to give power to the toy car to function. But the problem is, the child didn’t bother to read or ask you for instructions on how to use the toy car, nor did the child put batteries in the toy car to get it to function. 

So, what do you think ended up happening? The child didn’t end up enjoying the gift of the toy car instead, they became upset and frustrated with it. But why? Well, because they didn’t use the instructions or the batteries to experience the blessing of the gift. 

This is how we are with singleness or whatever relationship status we are in. God gave singleness as a special gift to you. It is good and perfect. Whether you desire it or not, it doesn’t change the fact it is a beautiful gift sent from heaven above. 

But, we become upset or frustrated with the season we are in because we haven’t read or asked God for instructions, which is through His Word; the Bible on how this season should look like or function. We also haven’t used the power that will help us live out this season properly according to God’s word, which is the Holy Spirit (Acts 1:8). 

So, to experience the gift and blessing of your single season, you’ve got to understand first that singleness is a gift from God, and ask for His guidance on how to truly embrace it to your fullest capacity. 

2. Know Your Identity in Christ and Live it Out

Your singleness is the time to be completely devoted to Jesus Christ. It is precious time that you certainly do not want to waste. Why? Well, Paul teaches us that once you’re married, your time, your mind and your heart become divided because you now have a responsibility as a wife to please your husband (1 Corinthians 7:34-35). That’s not to say that there is anything wrong with this.

But when you’re single it is the best time to set the foundations of your relationship with God, and begin to know and understand your identity in Him. You do not want to make the mistake of utilising your singleness as a time to focus on what is seen as unworthy in the sight of the Lord, such as materialistic things because those things do not last (1 Corinthians 7:29-31, 2 Corinthians 4:18). 

Also, you do not want to waste your singleness only being completely preoccupied with desiring marriage. The desire for marriage is not bad, but obsessing about it is because that’s when it becomes idolatry. 

When you begin to invest your time in knowing Christ and understanding your identity in Him, He becomes your Living Water and fills you up completely, until you begin to overflow, outpouring the character of Jesus Christ and becoming a walking embodiment of Him (John 7:37-39). Things of the world would no longer satisfy you, but Christ Himself. You become content with your singleness because you are more than content with your life in Him.

How do I know this? Look at the Samaritan woman at the well (John 4:1-26). She had been in and out of relationships with men but these relationships never satisfied her. But by the end of her interaction with Jesus, she ended up bubbling up with so much contentment and joy, because she knew that she needed the Living Water in her life, and she had to share it with others. She became the first evangelist. 

That’s how your life should be. You should be abounding in the love of God because of your knowledge and understanding of Him through spending time with Him, and you can’t help but share His heart and His love with others. You become His hands and feet on earth to preach the gospel to people. But the only way to get there is to start by being single and secure in Christ Jesus. 

She now knew that her worth and value were beyond her relationships with men, her worth and value were in her identity in Christ Jesus. She was already precious and worth more than rubies because she was made by the very hands of God (Proverbs 3:15). 

And so are you!

3. Know Your Purpose and Walk in it  

What I have learnt is, that perception is everything. How you perceive a matter is how you believe it to be. So, stop seeing your singleness season as a waiting period to get married. When you do this, you don’t see the purpose of your current season, and therefore you don’t maximise the opportunities that arise that can prepare you for the next season; if it is marriage. 

Ask yourself this, ‘Do I know my purpose?’. If you don’t, well there is a time and a season for everything, and your singleness season is the best time to find this out (Ecclesiastes 3:1). 

The reason why it is imperative to know your purpose whilst you are single is that it ensures that your mind is set on things above, having a kingdom mindset to advance the kingdom of God. 

“The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few” (Matthew 9:37). What does this mean? Jesus saw that there were opportunities to meet human needs and bring them to the kingdom of God, but the opportunities could be wasted because there were not enough people who were willing to do the work of God. 

This is how we are when we take our seasons for granted because we miss the opportunities to do the work of God. Our minds are set on our selfish needs, and we don’t see that there is a greater purpose to serve, and that is to serve the purpose of God to reach the lost and bring them to God.

You may be thinking, ‘But how do I do this?’. Utilise this time to ask God and reflect upon the gifts and talents which God has given you that you can use for the glory of God.

What are you called to? Who are you assigned to? When I ask these questions, I’m trying to get you to think about what are the things that are missing or are problems in the world, that God can use for you to be the answer to. I’m trying to get you to see the type of people you feel connected to, so you can reach and bring the gospel to them.

God has given us the resources, it is our job to put the resources to use. Work the ground that God has given you (Genesis 2:15). God didn’t create a chair, but what He did do is He created trees. Trees would provide our wood to then make chairs. 

You are also a resource. God created mankind in His image so that earth would be a reflection of heaven (Genesis 1:26). That is why in the prayer Jesus modelled to us it is written, “your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.” (Matthew 6:10). Your purpose is to have dominion on earth and make it reflect the kingdom of heaven.

Cultivating your purpose is also key to identifying your purpose partner. Adam worked the ground and from there, as He was fulfilling the purpose God had for him to work and tend the Garden, and name the animals, he was able to identify his purpose partner, his suitable helper; Eve. 

Your singleness is not a waste of time. It is precious time. There is so much for you to learn and discover about yourself and God. In all of this, God will help you to become the woman of God you need to be to fulfil His purpose, and you just may meet your purpose partner along the way, just like the likes of Ruth and Rebekah.

4. Cultivate and Grow in Your Other Relationships

People underestimate the beauty and power of relationships that are not romantic. I know this because you hear people say ‘I’m lonely’ or ‘I’m all alone’, yet they fail to see the people they have around them to love and who also love them.

God did not just design relationships for romantic purposes, He mainly designed them to reflect Him; the relationship of the Triune God and the relationship He has with us. 

Look at it this way, how can we have relationships successfully without the help of God who created relationships in the first place? (Genesis 2:18). 

How can you be someone else’s bride, if you first don’t know how to be a bride of Christ? (2 Corinthians 11:2, Ephesians 5:27, Revelation 19:7). 

Relationships run so much deeper than we think, it is a godly thing. We came out of our mother’s womb already in a relationship with others, non-romantically. So, wouldn’t you think there is some purpose to that? 

Those relationships, especially your relationship with God set the foundations for the relationship you will have with your future spouse. There is so much you can learn from your relationship with your family, friends and God, from your strengths and weaknesses to your love language and apology language, which are things you can implement in your romantic relationship in the future. 

Loneliness is a weapon that the enemy uses to set you into a trap of attacking you with lies. But when you are around faith-filled people, godly counsel, accountability partners, and mentors it is easier for the voice of the enemy to quieten down because you are surrounded by people speaking life into you. 

You can’t do this Christ walk alone, that’s why having brothers and sisters-in-Christ around you is crucial. Why wait for your future spouse to come along to experience the love of God when through godly fellowship? God can use them so we can witness the heart of God through them (1 John 4:19-21). 

You’ve made it to the end of the blog post! Let me know in the comments below how are you going to embrace your singleness season. Share this blog post with those who you know will benefit from finding ways to be content in their singleness. And we have a Bride of Christ Study Template waiting for you, all you need to do is sign up to our email mailing list to get weekly exclusive devotionals and resources to your inbox.

Until next time…

Stay blessed,

Divine L.