HOW TO HAVE A GODLY-CENTRED DATING RELATIONSHIP

Do you want to know how to date whilst being a Christian?

Although dating is not seen in the Bible, there are biblical principles that we are to follow during the time and season before marriage.

In this blog post, I will be sharing with you 6 practical tips and advice that as Christians, we should follow in order to have a godly-centred dating relationship.

Let’s dive in!

1. Keep God At The Centre

“But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” (Matthew 6:33).

To have a godly-centred dating relationship, in everything you do, you must seek first the kingdom of God. God should take priority in your life because when you do so, you don’t have to choose between honouring God and honouring the relationship with your partner, but you honour God and seek first the kingdom of God by being a good partner to the person you are in a relationship with.

If you put God’s kingdom first, and do not think that your physical well-being or the earthly things of life are worthy objects to live your life for, you then enjoy all these things. God promises heavenly treasure, rest in divine provision, and fulfilment of God’s highest purpose for mankind – fellowship with Him and being a part of His kingdom.

When you are in a dating relationship, as a Christian, it is a daily choice to keep God at the centre of your life by following His teachings (John 14:15), denying to your flesh (Luke 9:23) and being guided by the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5:25). It is important that you are aligned with the good and perfect will of God (Romans 12:2), so you can experience His good and perfect gifts that He has planned for you (James 1:17). That does not mean trials and tests will not come, but as long as you are able to endure it all by standing firm in your faith in Him, you will overcome and experience His blessings for you (James 1:2-4).

Don’t walk into relationships blindly. God is omniscient, so who better to depend on than He?

2. Date With The Intention Of Marriage

“That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24).

The idea of “leave and cleave” is set with the intention for a man to leave his father and mother and unite himself with his wife to become one in holy matrimony. Although dating and courtship are not mentioned in the Bible, however, we can see that God’s principle and original design for romantic relationships seen here with Adam and Eve were with the intention of marriage.

Therefore, there is no such thing as casual dating or casual sex because of the concept of “one flesh” (1 Corinthians 6:16). The idea of “one flesh” relates to the biblical foundation and understanding of marriage, that a husband and wife are to be intimately joined together spiritually and sexually (Matthew 19:5-6).

So, in a godly-centred dating relationship, you are identifying and evaluating whether or not you can see yourself becoming “one flesh” with that person. Can you see yourself uniting yourself with this person emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, financially, and in every other way, the couple is to become one.

The world will make you believe you have to “try before you buy”. But this is not a herd mentality that we should follow. Just by evaluating the character of a person, and how they live their life that you will be able to gather information on whether or not you should join yourself to this person.

When you date with the intention of marriage you can effectively set up healthy boundaries and standards within the process of dating/courtship to equip you for a potentially healthy marriage. But if you end up not marrying the person, you can at least leave the relationship still whole within yourself because you did not make yourself become one with the person prematurely.

3. Set Boundaries

“Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.” (Hebrews 13:4).

Setting healthy boundaries within a godly-centred dating relationship is imperative because not only is it the will of God that you should not have premarital sex (1 Corinthians 7:2), but you do not also want to awaken love until it so desires (Song of Songs 2:7).

There is danger in doing things that were intended for marriage before its time. “Not awakening love until the time is right” (Song of Songs 2:7 NLT) is a warning to us that we should not force or manipulate romantic feelings which can be stirred through fornication. It is a warning against entering romantic relationships too young because of a lack of maturity or mistaking “puppy love” or infatuation for true love. It is a warning against being desperate to find love that you begin to compromise your faith, lower your standards or idolise marriage.

Sex is intended for marriage as per God’s design, as it is a way for the married couple to become one flesh (Genesis 2:24). The sexual act between a husband and wife is a symbol of a covenant. Biblically, a covenant is established by a binding agreement between two parties and often times blood was shed (Genesis 15:9-10, Jeremiah 34:18-19, Matthew 26:28, Hebrews 9:19-21). During sexual intercourse, blood is shed by the woman therefore, it is seen by God as a symbol of a martial covenant; an agreement that you are one with this person forever. You do not want to make this covenant before marriage. That is why do not be fooled by the idea of casual sex that the world tells us, it does not exist, and it is not the will of God.

4. Have Wise Counsel

“²⁰ Listen to counsel and receive instruction, that you may be wise in your latter days. ²¹ There are many plans in a man’s heart, nevertheless the Lord’s counsel—that will stand.” (Proverbs 19:20-21).

When you are in a dating relationship it is easy to have rose-tinted glasses on and ignore signs that you should not disregard. That is why it is useful to have wise and godly counsel around you from people you trust and who are believers. They can help see your blindspots and be used as vessels by God to speak through, to you.

It is also wise to have accountability partners, people who you can go to that can hold you accountable for your actions, who will correct you out of love and lead you on the path of righteousness and purity. They should be someone with who you can be completely transparent and honest. You should be vulnerable to speaking out about your temptations in the relationship to your accountability partner(s) so that they can help you navigate the boundaries you need to set in your relationship and ensure you sustain them.

Your close counsel around you should not be in the company of people who consistently perpetuate sin (Psalm 1:1). Make sure that you are surrounded by people who have the same beliefs, values and morals as you so that when they speak into your life, which includes your relationship, it is being guided by the Holy Spirit and the word of God (1 Corinthians 15:33).

5. Be Prayerful

“²⁶ In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. ²⁷ And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.” (Romans 8:26-27).

It is important to be consistent in prayer in general (1 Thessalonians 5:17), and therefore something like marriage which is one of the biggest decisions that you will ever make in your life after accepting Jesus has to be put in constant prayer.

You do not want to make a mistake about who you choose to be your spouse as God intends marriage to not end in divorce (Matthew 19:8-9), and He hates it (Malachi 2:16). Therefore, prayer is helpful in guiding you to be aligned with the will of God, and also when you pray in the Spirit, you are able to pray about things you would have never thought of praying about that will keep you from staying in relationships you shouldn’t be in.

This does not mean that everything in your relationship will be sunshine and rainbows, but as long as you are in prayer, being led by the Holy Spirit and are convicted in His peace, no matter the trials and tribulations, you do not need to doubt that you are in the will of God.

6. Examine Their Character

“²² But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³ gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” (Galatians 5:22-23).

Beauty is fleeting (Proverbs 31:30) and therefore, you should not base your reason for dating or marrying the person based on their appearance. We should learn to observe the character of the person as God looks at our hearts (1 Samuel 16:7). You can judge the person’s character by the fruit you see evident in their lives (Galatians 5:22-23). Do their actions reflect the character of God? Do they pursue the holiness, purity and righteousness of God? Or do they try to see how far they can cross the line without sinning?

It is important that the person you are dating has a relationship with God and so should you (2 Corinthians 6:14). This is essential if you want to have a godly-centred dating relationship that can potentially lead to marriage because it would mean you will both be learning to love each other with the love of God, and not by your own feelings or emotions. You will also respect one another because you have the understanding that you are both children of God (Ephesians 5:33).

There will be certain expectations and standards that they will have because their foundation is based on the word of God. There are boundaries that are biblically obvious that should not be crossed, and they don’t cross them, despite what the world will say or what other Christians may believe due to conformity to worldly views (Romans 12:2).

They should be firm in their faith and convictions and not be led astray by the voices of people around them. They should fear God (Proverbs 9:10) and obey His commandments (John 14:15). As a result, the only way they can possess the character of God and therefore treat you the way God intends His children should be treated in a relationship is if they have a relationship with Him, who can show them the way, and so should you.

Well, that’s it! You have come to the end of the blog post. I hope this blog post helped you understand how to have a godly-centred dating relationship.

Leave a comment below sharing what tip will you be taking away from this blog post and implementing into your dating life.

Stay blessed,

Divine L.